We acquire the strength we have overcome. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Smart Thinking
Facing challenges and rising from them is a way to help strengthen a
child’s spirit. Though parents would prefer to totally shield their children from
threats and hardship, doing so would cause as much damage. And let’s face it:
Adversity is inevitable. But training our children to become prudent and intelligent
thinkers is a surefire way to protect them from possible harm.
An effective method to hone children’s thinking skills is to practice what if
scenarios with them. Children need to feel as if they have discovered why they
should avoid potentially dangerous circumstances. Parents can engage in a
dialogue with their kids. It’s important to let them think for themselves, to foster
their problem-solving skills. Parents shouldn’t dictate the solution, but rather,
allow kids to answer first, and then guide them unhurriedly to every possible
avenue.
We can’t control what our children do every minute. But we can help them
think, early in their lives, about what is and what is not safe, so we can trust them
to take responsibility for their actions and to make safe decisions now and as
they mature.
Here are some possible danger scenarios, plus pre-emptive tips:
Bully Alert
Bullies pick on kids who are often alone, shy, quiet, and look like they
can’t stand up for themselves. Kids become victims of bullies because they have
a very poor self-concept, believing their own dignity and self-worth are
unimportant. What’s worse is that most bullied kids are too afraid to tell their
parents – either because they are scared their parents will think they’re weak, or
because they think their parents won’t do much to rectify the situation.
What You Can Do
To help kids deal with bullying and prevent them from becoming bully
victims, teach them the lesson of reciprocity. Help them realize that relationships
are reciprocal, and that they should treat others as they wish to be treated. They
will come to realize that people act as they do for many different reasons. Asking
children questions that pay attention to their and other people’s feelings also
helps.
These questions include:
– Why do you think bullies need to pick on others?
– Do you have another reason?
– What do you think a bully is feeling or thinking?
– How would you feel if a kid bullies you?
– What can you do or say if you’re being bullied?
By fostering a climate of empathy at home, children learn the value of selfworth
– for themselves and for others. According to child experts, you should let
your child know that he or she has a right to insist that others treat him or her
with respect and dignity. They are not to tolerate cruelty of any form, whether in
real life, in the form of nasty jokes on sitcoms, or in other forms of entertainment.
Stranger Danger
“Don’t talk to strangers” is not necessarily the key. We cannot expect our
kids to do this if we adults break this rule every time – in the grocery store,
waiting in line at the movie house, or even in school. Children should know that
most adults they encounter are basically good people. Often, these “strangers”
are actually people who can help kids in case of emergencies.
What You Can Do
Teach kids to pay attention to their instincts. Parents should tell their kids
to listen to that voice in their heads; if they don’t feel safe or they feel it’s not
right, they shouldn’t go through with it. We need to give children safety nets of
people they can go to if they need help, such as uniformed law-enforcement or
security officers, a store salesperson with a nametag, the person in an
information booth at a mall or other public venue, or a mother with children.
Next, describe the proper way to handle a stranger. A common ploy for
abduction attempts are for strangers to pretend that they are a friend of the
child’s parents, and that the parents – who are either sick or injured – asked
them to pick the child up on their behalf. To help children deal with this particular
situation, let them run the scenario in their heads, then ask them the following
questions:
– What do you do when a person you don’t know says mommy or daddy
asked him or her to pick you up from school, and that you should hop into
the car?
– Do you run to your teacher, the principal, or the security guard?
– What do you do if the stranger grabs you?
– What do you think is the safest thing to do while waiting for mommy or
daddy after school?
– Do you stay with your teacher in the classroom or the principal’s office?
Should a stranger grab your kids, children should be taught to run for help
and scream, kick, make a loud noise and keep yelling something like “You’re not
my mother!” or “You’re not my father!” More importantly, teach your child from a
very young age why he or she should never go anywhere with any adult, without
your permission, whether that person is a stranger or a friend.