SIX KEYS TO UNLOCKING COMMUNICATION IN YOUR NEW FAMILY:
Key1
Expressing thoughts and emotions openly and honestly and sharing experiences, fears, uncertainties, feelings, memories, pain, hurt, loss, concern, worries and more. It is healthy to talk about how and what we feel, need, desire and want – even what we miss. It helps us heal and reach out, bond and connect with each other MORE.
Key 2
Explaining things , making them clearer and leaving no room for misinterpretation, manipulation or misuse. Sharing our opinions, beliefs, perceptions, interpretations, points of view with each other, helps us look at things from each others’ and different perspectives (even multi-angles or from opposing sides). This brings us calm focus and the ability to solve problems, not emotionally over-react just because we are upset per se.
Key 3
Asking questions, probing for understanding is a great way for family-member to reconnect, celebrate a life and plan a future!
Key 4
Confrontation of unacceptable behavior, language or treatment is also important and it cuts both ways parent to child and child to parent (and yes, throw in sibling rivalry here too!) Respectful disagreement and speaking up when you feel that you have been wronged in any way is imperative.
Key 5
Resolution and resolving of issues, hurt, pain, distances, problems and even disagreements can be mighty powerful.
Not everything in the family has to be about fighting and arguments. Create and environment that encourages, rewards children to speak up and model good behavior that makes them confident to voice what they have to say. Create a risk-free, safe environment where open communication and honesty is encouraged and valued. You are in effect enabling and empowering your kids, preparing them better for life, their future and adulthood.
Repressed anger, silences and punishment can have quite the opposite effect on them. They will detach, not say what is on their mind, defer to others, be followers and just accept things for what they are, without probing, questioning or verifying if the information is correct and reliable, worthy of being followed. Plan to set your kids, yourself and your family on a good path. Not only to recovery, but coming together as a unit, preparing for life, now, here and now, but also for the future, what lies ahead and whatever life might still throw at you.
Key6
Speaking their minds, with respect of course for each other, themselves and you should be encouraged.
Family values are shaped as time passes by. Norms, rules and guidelines for behavior needs to be laid down, boundaries set and some ‘security’ and known lines in the sand so to speak drawn. Kids need to know what is acceptable and what is not. As the parent you will state, shape and build these into your daily lives and routines. IT IS UP TO YOU TO ESTABLISH WHO AND WHAT YOUR NEW FAMILY IS, BELIEVES AND HOW THEY TREAT EACH OTHER AND THOSE AROUND THEM. You will set the pace and the nature of these ‘family rules’. This is where kids will not learn right from wrong.